Detoxification Day 1 ( 7th November 2011)

This time its serious. I seriously want to cut off smoking. At least I want to test myself how long i can stay out of it. I smoked a Classic in the morning before going to bed ( the last smoke ). I promised myself i won't smoke until and unless i am drunk, at home during vacations, out in a trip. With that in mind i dozed off not realizing what i was stepping into. This will be a torture; i know.

Woke up in the afternoon, had lunch; determination still fresh. I didn’t go out of the room at all, no mood of testing my will power. At around 1am P lit a Marlboro. As the smell entered my nose my nerves went blank, the only thing that was in my mind was that I want at least one drag for which I was ready to have two smoke free sessions during any parties involved with alcohol. I tried to concentrate on the movie I was watching, secretly praying that A would finish off the cigarette without asking me. The smell was so mesmerizing that it was impossible for me to resist. I just wished I would disappear from here. The worst happened when P offered me a drag. My inside me thought of dozen of sacrifices that I would happily have just to get these 3 drags now. All I need to say is a ‘NO’. I realized how difficult it was. I don’t know how I did it but I said, “Don’t feel like smoking now, my nose is blocked.” After this I got considerably relaxed. I felt myself calming down, my inside craziness dying; that too when the cigarette is still not finished.  After an hour or so, Prashant lit one more cigarette. But this time it was different, there was no craziness growing inside me. I gave the same excuse this time also. Its getting easier I guess. That’s it, all you need to do is to resist yourself from the first cigarette. Tomorrow I will get to know if my theory is correct. If my theory is correct, I would name it ‘Theory of 1^st sutta’.